I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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