did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
