I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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