My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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