remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
