talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
