Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
