I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
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