Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
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I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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