i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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