I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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