At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize