Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm going to jail i love you
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
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