Duck Duck Cougar?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
