Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize