Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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