I want to stick my p in your. b.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
