it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
