Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
