and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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