Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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