if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Come share oat with me in your robe
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
