all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
