Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
