I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
