Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
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Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
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She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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