So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
