New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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