My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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