This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
