I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
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Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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