your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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