i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
