Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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