Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
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