I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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