I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just invented taco cereal.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
