A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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