i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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