i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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