your parents love me but you hate me
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
