MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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