the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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