i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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