You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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