well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
