i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
