why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
