Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
