Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
