First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
