you win again, gameday.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
