I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
