I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
