I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
