he wants to bone in the snuggie
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
