During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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