you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
