i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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