You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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