He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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