Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
