FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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