He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
