He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
only you would photoshop your dick
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
