Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
