My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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